Sunday, August 26, 2007
What if?
There are so many "what if's" in my life. Keeps me awake and alert to life.
The what if that most intrigues me is:
What if I were to meet all those people I left behind (and vice versa) for the first time today, will I develop stronger relationships with them? Or would I not even consider getting to know them in the first place.
Life always offers so many twists and turns. Is the absolute re-turn or going back possible at all?
The what if that most intrigues me is:
What if I were to meet all those people I left behind (and vice versa) for the first time today, will I develop stronger relationships with them? Or would I not even consider getting to know them in the first place.
Life always offers so many twists and turns. Is the absolute re-turn or going back possible at all?
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Betraying the Present
Now . . . on the matter of "B". He definitely exists in my past and within the safe places in my dreams. When I do go to those private sanctuaries to get a reprieve from the present, am I actually turning my back to the present, and therefore betraying everything that is in my present?
Why do we need to establish sanctuaries deep inside our brains? I am certain that you too have secret places you revisit in your past to reaffirm the person that you are now.
It is incredible how a song you listened to so many times a long long time ago can bring in vivid images of the past which in turn bring the same emotions, the same sentiments, the same feelings and associative thoughts that you felt those times in the past.
I would be driving for instance, and I hear a song from the past amd all of a sudden, I am "emotionally" transported to that period in time! It is amazing and awe-inspiring. Again, am I betraying my present when I take a ride in my past?
Why do we need to establish sanctuaries deep inside our brains? I am certain that you too have secret places you revisit in your past to reaffirm the person that you are now.
It is incredible how a song you listened to so many times a long long time ago can bring in vivid images of the past which in turn bring the same emotions, the same sentiments, the same feelings and associative thoughts that you felt those times in the past.
I would be driving for instance, and I hear a song from the past amd all of a sudden, I am "emotionally" transported to that period in time! It is amazing and awe-inspiring. Again, am I betraying my present when I take a ride in my past?
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Love Letters Straight From the Past
I will be publishing letters to "B" - my first young love. I must remind you that I grew in a limited and overly-protected world - where old values and awkward social experiences were the daily news.
"B" has always been in my thoughts. And he will always be my first love. No matter that we have now our own worlds. No matter that our paths may not cross again. No matter that I am not sure he remembers me at all, and after all these years.
So, my blog, you will be the repository of this unrequited love. My first love . . .
Dear B.
How old was I, sixteen? going on seventeen? I knew I was young . . . way too young and inexperienced in the world of puppy love. You were so good-looking and tall and intelligent-looking with those thick black-rimmed glasses that were in vouge then. You stood out in a crowd and I was so infatuated with you.
But I was so awkward and stupid and could not contribute to any conversation you started. (laughs) You came into my life too early and I wish that you came into my life instead, ten years after I actually met you. I needed some years to grow a tounge, some flesh in the right places and a little bravado to show my personality. We could have hit off very nicely.
Talk about meeting each other at the wrong time. . .
By the time I learned some social graces, you got into medical school. You got busy working on a career. And I did not see you for a long time. I never stopped dreaming of you, talking to you via my diary - You were in my diary all throughout college along with 25 others who I had crushes on from a distance - a safe distance.
Here I am, many many years after, still dreaming about you and what we could have been together if we met at the right time - - - like at a time when our planets aligned - - - like at a time when I could contribute to the conversations you tried to start.
It this is not true love - then what is it? Why do I still meet you in my dreams as if we were never in two separate worlds? Well, the diary is now the Blog. And you are in it as always.
Will I find you ever again? I do not think so. Too many years, too many people between us, too little time left. I can just talk to you via this blog . . . and in my dreams.
Forever yours,
C.
"B" has always been in my thoughts. And he will always be my first love. No matter that we have now our own worlds. No matter that our paths may not cross again. No matter that I am not sure he remembers me at all, and after all these years.
So, my blog, you will be the repository of this unrequited love. My first love . . .
Dear B.
How old was I, sixteen? going on seventeen? I knew I was young . . . way too young and inexperienced in the world of puppy love. You were so good-looking and tall and intelligent-looking with those thick black-rimmed glasses that were in vouge then. You stood out in a crowd and I was so infatuated with you.
But I was so awkward and stupid and could not contribute to any conversation you started. (laughs) You came into my life too early and I wish that you came into my life instead, ten years after I actually met you. I needed some years to grow a tounge, some flesh in the right places and a little bravado to show my personality. We could have hit off very nicely.
Talk about meeting each other at the wrong time. . .
By the time I learned some social graces, you got into medical school. You got busy working on a career. And I did not see you for a long time. I never stopped dreaming of you, talking to you via my diary - You were in my diary all throughout college along with 25 others who I had crushes on from a distance - a safe distance.
Here I am, many many years after, still dreaming about you and what we could have been together if we met at the right time - - - like at a time when our planets aligned - - - like at a time when I could contribute to the conversations you tried to start.
It this is not true love - then what is it? Why do I still meet you in my dreams as if we were never in two separate worlds? Well, the diary is now the Blog. And you are in it as always.
Will I find you ever again? I do not think so. Too many years, too many people between us, too little time left. I can just talk to you via this blog . . . and in my dreams.
Forever yours,
C.
